Zong of the Week - http://zongoftheweek.com

April 25, 2004

Hot Dog

This zong is about my crazy ex-girlfriend. She said I was paranoid and insecure about my masculinity. I said, "You're crazy! That is so totally not true! But why did you have to go and join that conspiracy to sissify men by making them eat soy products?" She said, "There's no conspiracy, I just want you to be healthy and live a long life." I said, "That's just what the conspiracy theory website said you would say." Things went downhill from there. Anyhow, it all started with a simple disagreement about a hot dog.

Lyrics advisory: double entendre, adult subject matter (or maybe they're really just talking about food)

written by Paul Nordquist + performed by Paul Nordquist (vocals) and Green Beings

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My sweetheart brought home some regular franks
i knew she meant well, so I had to say thanks
"But honey pie, frankly, a word to the wise
When it's this shape and color, don't get regular size"
I said, "Honey, if word of this got out on the street
The guys would laugh all day long about the length of my meat
Go for the foot-longs whenever you can
'Cause regular hot dogs don't make me a man"

Hot dog
Hot dog
Get me the kind that's as big as a log
Hot dog
Hot diggety dog
For you are the dog food
And I am the dog

So she brought back some franks that were as big as can be
But what's this long, scary word that begins with a 'V'?
She said, "That's vegetarian"
I said, "What does that mean?"
She said, "It's good for your heart because it's healthy and lean
I said, "Come on, girl, how'm I s'pose to make things happen
If I'm eating meatless franks with all this healthy crap in it?
You know, sometimes fatter is better than leaner
And my case in point is a big fat wiener"

Hot dog
Hot dog
Get me the kind that's as big as a log
Hot dog
Hot diggety dog
For you are the dog food
And I am the dog

Hot dog
Hot dog
I'll be your prince if you will just kiss this frog
Hot dog
Hot diggety dog
For you are the dog food
And I am the dog

Hot dog
Hot dog
Get me the kind that's as big as a log
Hot dog
Hot diggety dog
For you are the dog food
And I am your dog

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